Bump in the road

I'm having a bad day, not a bad day food/eating wise, just emotional bad day. I have no reason for it, nothing happened to me to make me upset today or in the past few days, I'm just out of it. Most days I block out any kind of upset feelings or thoughts that would bring me down, because I had made a concicous decision to not let them get to me at some point in the past few months. But then occasionally, those feelings and thoughts slide in and WOMP WOMP, my day has gone to shit.

I go down that road that no person should go down, thinking of how my life is not where I thought it would be at this point. Like thinking of how I might have imagined 25 when I was 16 and well damn, this is not what I pictured. Not that there is anything wrong with my life, it is what it is and I'm working towards things I want and all so things will get where I want them soon. But it's hard to not feel like you've failed when you're back home after living away for so long. It's hard not to think you failed at a relationship, even though I may be happy with my choices it's just hard not to let your brain go there. But these things just make me overthink everything. And then I start to think oh well if I did this, maybe the outcome would have been different, etc. BLAH, oh how the mind works.

2 years ago, if I was in this type of mood I would have smoked a cigarette and had some ice cream, 1 year ago it would have been just the ice cream. Last week, it would have been just a cigarette (The re-starting of that habit  has been stopped, it's no more... don't worry). But no more of that... I have to actually attack these emotions and tell myself that I am right where I am supposed to be and not have a cigarette, ice cream, or any other unhealthy solution. Who needs therapy, I am my own therapist it seems today! That's probably what is making days like this harder than they used to be because I don't have some unhealthy way of distracting myself. Which is one huge step in the right direction, I guess. But anyways, just a quick update today... nothing too exciting. I definitely need to hit the hay early tonight so I can wake up refreshed and in a better mood!