You may have wanted to know, so here is why.

I've been planning to post this for a long time but every time I start to write it I freak out and close the browser window. Surprisingly, no one has actually flat out asked me the question I'm about to answer, but I've been waiting for it. "How did I let myself get to 292 pounds?" But the reason I posted this today is because someone briefly looked at my instagram today at work and gave me the look like "Honey what the hell were you doing back then?" Honestly I don't have a plain and simple answer. It comes down to a few simple things. I didn't think it mattered. Pounds just packed on and they kept coming. I was unhappy with my life. I liked junk food, and I ate a LOT of it. I ate out all the time. I never exercised. I shudder at the thought of how many calories I ingested on a daily basis. My portion sizes were out of control. And once I got to 230lbs or so, I wasn't going to change my ways because... quite frankly I didn't think I could. I never saw myself on the scale above 292, maybe I was, and maybe I wasn't. It shames me to think that I could have been. I didn't have a lot of friends anymore when I was at my biggest and I was unhappy in a relationship that I felt too comfortable and scared to leave. Life was a mess for me. I don't know what made it all click or what happened in me that I finally got the courage to change things and to go for what I wanted. And to not worry about my significant other at the time, because that was a HUGE reason for me not walking away. I think a lot of it had to do with a friend of mine. Anytime I would discuss my unhappiness with any other friend, they'd brush me off and say something like "Well he loves you, so you should stay." or "You're lucky to have someone who cares and loves you, why would you walk away from that?" So I would push my feelings away and just focus on what they said and that maybe I was lucky. From their "advice", I started to think that maybe no one else in life would love me or fall in love with me. I had an incredible amount of self-doubt, self-hatred, etc. Finally, someone new was in my life and we had got to talking about things. And this friend told me "It's okay if you don't want to be with this person anymore. It's okay how you feel and if this is something you need to walk away from, that's also okay." Had I not received that validation from someone, I may still be 292lbs and I may still be as unhappy as I was back then. Sometimes when we look to others to discuss our feelings, we're not always looking for words of advice. Sometimes we're just looking for someone to tell us that it's okay or that it's not bad to feel a certain way. Anyways, back to the weight. So I ended things in this long relationship and I started to realize that if I could do that, which at this point in my life might be one of the hardest things that I've personally gone through. If I could do that, I could lose the weight and I could become healthier and stronger physically. So a few months later (after a bit of a mourning period), I started to work on losing. And I started to better myself. I worked on re-building my friendships with people who I let slip through the cracks. I started eating healthier, I started working on myself. And I still am. It's hard sometimes to think about the past, and it's easy to get frustrated and think, my god had I started this journey when I was 200lbs, I'd be done already. But I firmly believe that everything happens for a reason. And I have no regrets at all. Because I know that I wouldn't be who I am in this moment had I made different choices, or taken a different path I wouldn't be me had I not gone on a random trip with a new friend who told me "it's ok". All I know for sure is that I'm a work in progress. And aren't we all? That’s life, right???

80lbs down. Whatt!

I know I haven't been posting much. Time flies when you're having fun and all that noise. But I just wanted to post because I've hit 80lbs lost. This is insane to me, and really most of you may not know this but I doubt myself a whole hell of a lot (or all of you know this haha). So getting to big numbers like this amazes me. I sit here typing this in size L tops and size 14 bottoms. Shit, I'm even wearing heels at work today. Thats huge for me. Not even the number is a big deal but when I started this blog I was wear ing a size 22W pants and 1-2X shirts. I still look at myself in the mirror and feel just the same size as I did 15 months ago. I barely see differences when I do those silly photogrid things, but thats all the mindfu*k that comes along with losing weight (so I've been told). I am 12 pounds away from being in the 100's and I am 20 pounds away from having lost 100 lbs. I sit at 212lbs. I was 292 lbs (Previously stated as 286, but found journal stating was 292 in april 2012. I feel like I might have been heavier but I thank God I never weighed myself if I was because had I seen 300 I might have given up or I may have never started this journey. Who knows).

 I have made small and large goals on here and not hit them. And I'm okay with that for now. Yes, it may have taken me a long time to lose this 80lbs but I've done it. And I'm proud of that. I beat myself up about my weight and my weight loss progress and all that. But I'm responsible for how it's come off and how long it has taken, and no one else is. So no one else should be saying things they've said or acted the way they have... but they have and I need to not let it bother me. I have not decided on my ultimate goal, I know that I want to be at a healthy weight. I've said in the past that the 160's sound good. But who knows really. Right now I'm focused on getting into the 190's and we'll go from there. All the sites I've researched tell me that a healthy weight range for my height is 125-168lbs. Thats quite a range... so I have no idea what to take from that LOL. 

 One thing I wanted to touch on since I'm posting is how amazing it feels to get all this positive feedback from all my friends and family. What I will never understand is the negative comments that people have made. It's frustrating that people have chosen to say certain things and it sucks that some of those people were ones I used to consider close to me. But it has just caused me to realize that as we grow in life and as we change in life, we lose people. We lose them for various reasons but if someone is not meant to be a part of your life, you'll figure it out (one way or another). I just wish they would have cowered into the night, rather than be a hater. Just come at me bro, talking behind someone's back is so 7th grade! 

Hump Day?

What day is it???? Hump Day!!!! Ok I officially hate that commercial, so annoying! But regardless, it is hump day aka Wednesday and I would like the week to be over please & thank you. I took my measurements yesterday and here is my starting and current measurements if you'd like to know. All of the starting measurements are from June 9 2012, so to start they MAY have been a bit bigger, I'm not sure but here ya go. Neck started at 15.5 and is now 14. Waist started at 45.3 but is now 35. Hips started at 49.5 but are now at 43. Butt started at 54 but is now at 48. Both thighs started at 32 and are now at 26. Both calves started at 19 and are now at 17. Lastly, both arms started at 16 and are now at 14. And that my friends is a total body loss of 44.3 inches to date.

14

So it's October 8th, 2013. And I'm wearing a size 14 work pants. To me this is a huge accomplishment and it may have taken me a while to get here but I'm here. I started off this "journey" wearing a size 20W in work pants and in Jeans(I even had one pair of 22's). I'm 5'9" (ish) in height and weighed at least 286lbs at my heaviest. I am down to 221lbs, down 65lbs. But I've lost and gained so much more than just weight. My weight has not changed much over the past few months but my pants and shirt sizes have. My plan tonight is to get home and do some measurements to compare to my June measurements. I expect to see a great deal of difference since I've gone down almost 2 pants sizes since then. I'm shocked that I can fit in some size L tops, actually most. I still have a lot of 1X tops and I definitely need to purge out my closet. But guess what, it's super expensive to continue to buy new clothes as you lose weight. So don't throw shade my way if you see me wearing oversized sweaters or tee's. I'm bringing back the 90's, Ok?! Though I will mention I am very thankful for a friend who has given me a ton of tops, and I got a few pairs of paints from another friend. Help your friends out whenever possible when you're losing weight because clothes are effin expensive! As I've lost weight, I feel like my self confidence has gone down in some ways. In other ways it has gone up. I've said this before in another blog post or two, weightloss can be a complete Mind F**K. A friend of mine calls it body dysmorphia. And it makes sense. For years I was up towards 300lbs, so now I'm closing in on 200 and under and I still see & think of myself as almost 300lbs. It's a weird process, thats for sure! Another thing that is wickedy wack... is that when you're used to shopping plus size sections and plus size stores and you realize that you can fit into pretty much any store. It's CRAZY. I actually bought two tops from a junior section the other day, how weird is that! Things like that make it real! One thing that I thought of this morning, is I haven't worn a 14 since at least 2004. I remember starting college as a juniors 15 and then shortly after was in a juniors 17/19 or a womens 16/18. Wow. Almost ten years ago! Recently, for a while, I thought "Oh maybe I'm okay being in a size 16, maybe I'll stop here!" Heck no man! Being in a 14 feels pretty flipping amazing so I think I'm going for a size 10. We'll see what happens! I'm still trying to get to a certain point by 12/8! Start off my 27th year in the right spot! And props to all my friends, seems like everyone is on the same page right now trying to better themselves and lose weight. A friend of mine is running a half marathon on Saturday which is Flipping Awesome! GO HER! And congrats to a couple friends who are close to hitting some big weight loss goals. You guys inspire me to keep on going! Lastly, I just want to say that I'm kind of shocked that I'm enjoying running. I don't ever see myself as being a long distance runner. I don't think I would want to ever run over 5 miles. But it's actually kinda fun...

October.

Im upset today. Upset with myself for a lot of things and even more upset that I havent worked hard to lose more weight over past couple months. I havent gained any weight (suprisingly) but I havent lost much more than the last post I posted.

I think Im afraid? Doesn't make much sense really. But I think it is because Losing the weight I've already lost has rattled me. I've become more self-conscious. I've become more nervous. I've become a disaster. Maybe it's not all the weight loss that has done that, maye it's all the other craziness in my life. But it's easier to say its because of the weight loss. Now don't get me wrong, Im not upset about losing the weight by any means, Im happy for myself and plan to continue losing more. 

It's just confusing. 

I feel like people, even my friends are judging me. I can feel peoples eyes on me when Im dressed in form fitting clothes. It makes me uncomfortable, and makes me reconsider all my wardrobe choices lol. 

I've been struggling a lot with why I got as large as I was and how disgusted it makes me feel. 

I've been struggling with how embarrassing it all is. 

But the most annoying is how self conscious I am now. I am constantly asking people "does this look okay?" Or "can you see this" or "i should change right?". 

Its a terribly confusing process. 

Plus my boobs seem to be getting bigger which is just weird. If Im losing weight they should either stay the same or decrease in siZe as well. ugh. 

I've been having a ridiculous good time in life otherwise. Hanging out with friends whenever possible. So Im focusing on that. Im also pretty proud of myself for starting to run. 2 friends and I have been doing c25k and then just Sunday I ran my full 1st mile. It was good but difficult, mainly because i was wearing a pair of workout pants that are probably 2 sizes too small lol. So it was uncomfortable i that respect. Im super thankful for my friend Britni who is a good support for continuing my weight loss and helping me with running. 

Everything else is just a big old mess it seems in my life so Im going to work on focusing on my health/weight loss journey and strive to be more positive about it. With what I wrote earlier about being embarrassed and upset about how heavy i used to be... I know I cant let that bother me and should squash that negativity. And Im going to try, really really hard. 

My new goal is to be to 199 or less by christmas. About three months to lose about 24 lbs. I'm trying to be realistic. Let see what I can do. :)

2 months what whaattt

Oh em gee. It has been so long since I posted. That ish cray. lol.. But lots of stuff has been going on and also nothing at all has happened.

Sooo here is where I am at.
-Newman and I picked up and moved to White Marsh (Ch-Ch-Changesssss again) in early July. A friend of mine bought a condo and Newman and I are renting a room and I HAVE MY OWN BATHROOM! Whaaaaat. I don't think I've ever in my life had my own bathroom. Ohhhhh the little things.
-As of this week, jumpstarting the weightloss journey again. I've been slacking (not gaining thankfully) for the past couple of months and frankly I have no reason to be. I was thinking the other day (I have a lot of thinking time it seems) that why stop now? Sure I may like the way I am now but I am not fully satisfied. I know I can do this and I've come so far (65ish gosh darn pounds) so there is no reason to stop or even give up. I am changing it up this time and setting mini goals for myself. I THINK I would like to lose another 45-65lbs. I am currently weighing in at 227-224lbs (depending on the day). I would like to see myself at 165-175, I think. I don't really know though. So more goal breaking down will be later in this post.
-Work is still the same, though I am constantly looking.
-Getting my ass to CCBC soon so I can get signed up for some pre-reqs for the RN program there (Wooop).
And that's about it, minus some unruly details and good times that have happened over the past 2 months.

So let me break down my new weightloss plan to get the rest of this fluffy stuff off me.
I am eating clean 80% of the time and if I feel I want to indulge or go out drinking that is my 20% of the time. But even over the last couple of months when I've been "slacking" my "bad" decisions aren't really all that bad. My portion sizes are still small and if I decide I want fries I don't eat something shitty with them, I get something healthIER like a wrap and water or something rather than fries & a cheesteak & a soda.
So yeah 80/20 Clean eating.
Goal is kinda around 165-175. I'm breaking it down, so I am looking at smaller picture rather than the big huge intimidating one.
So I have broke it down into small increments.
I would like to:
Be down to 210 or less by August 31st.
Be down to 195 or less by October 15th.
Be down to 180 or less by December 15th (MY BDAY!!!)
And if I want to be smaller (not sure what I'll look like at 180) then I would like to be as low as 160 by February 1st.

I may have underset these goals but I want to be realistic. The first 60-65lbs came off pretty fast, and I also wasn't working out that hard. It was mostly changing my eating habits.
So now that I'm incorporating Cardio 4-6 times a week, I HOPE it will fall off just as fast but I'm really not sure. So who knows maybe I'll blow my goals out of the water and lose it faster, but maybe I won't. Either way this is my journey and I'm focused on me.

A friend of mine is going to help me with weight training/toning. Not because I'm "want" to build muscle but because I want to tone & strengthen some areas. This friend has been doing amazingly as well and I get motivation from her!

I know I can do this so here we go again.

Bachelorette Partyinggg

So my friend who is getting married in June, we're having her bachelorette party this weekend in Baltimore! Being the maid of honor, I feel that it is my responsibility to make the night unforgettable! We are staying at a sweet hotel in Baltimore City near the inner harbor. Starting off there we plan to do nails & facials. Then we are heading out to RA Sushi for their awesome happy hour. Back to the hotel we go where we will drink and play some games! Then out to Powerplant Live!, where we will hit up some bars and play some games along the way. It plans to be an amazing night! It will be the bride to be, myself, two bridesmaids, and a friend of the bride to be. The bride is wearing a sparkly fun dress and the rest of us are wearing black. I have a folder filled with drinking games for the hotel that are bachelorette themed! There will be "Swag Bags" for everyone, and an awesome photo scavenger hunt for when we're out and about! Other details include Jello Shots, mixed drinks, monogramed bottles, & more. I think it will be one hell of a night and lots of memories will be made! Look for a post-party blog posting all about how crazy fun it was!

Rainy Day Blues... or Pinks... or Greens....

So this post isn't really me being a downer, just me thinking about some things and of course I was thinking these things on a rainy gross day! I started wondering to myself if some people aren't meant to be in a relationship or have a "great love". Obviously, I started wondering this about myself and it led to me thinking if maybe just some people in general are supposed to be single [single & fabulous, of course]. I like being single, don't get me wrong. But with my 27th birthday approaching fast [in December, hah], I thought that I would have found my "great love" by now so that I could have kids and such at this time in life. After talking with a few friends, I've realized maybe my "to do" list just needs to be thrown out the window so I can just live. I can live and let whatever is going to happen, happen. I need not be concerned with what didn't work out or what hasn't happened yet. So as of today, May 7th... I am declaring that I will just live. I will live and try to stop thinking about everything so much. And I will try to stop being concerned with things I have no control over.  And through living, I'll get everything I never knew I wanted.... at least that's the plan.

Summer Reading

So I've created myself a summer reading list. I love to read, if you don't know this about me... we probably aren't that close. I read at work, in the car, before bed, after bed, at the beach, on an airplane, at the pool, anywhere I can. So, here is my reading list. Also listed is some of my most recent favorites that you should read, if you haven't.

My recent favs:
-Fallen by Lauren Kate (and the three following books)
-Beautiful Disaster by Jamie McGuire


Summer Reading List:
-Kiss Me First by Lottie Moggach
-Sisterland by Curtis Sittenfeld
-Big Girl Panties by Stephanie Evanovich
-Divergent by Veronica Roth
-Smart Girls like Me by Diane Vadino
-Twenties Girl by Sophie Kinsella
-Trading Up by Candace Bushnell
-Meeting your half Orange by Amy Spencer
-The Between Boyfriends Book by Cindy Chupack
-Why Should Men Have All the Fun? By DJ Johnson
-Beautiful Bastard by Christina Lauren
-Spirit Junkie by Gabrielle Bernstein
-Here I Go Again by Jen Lancaster
-Girls in White Dresses by Jennifer  Close
-How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie
-It's Called a Breakup because it's broken by Greg Behrendt
-It's Not Your Number by Sophie Kinsella
-Maine by J Courtney Sullivan
-One Day by David Nicholls
-Sisterhood Everlasting by Ann Brashares
-


I might add some more to this list at some point, but this is what I have for now. And for my recent favs, I can't remember some of the titles.. so I'll add once I get my nook out of my car!

Sunday Thoughts

As usual, I put up some of my most recent fav pinterest quote finds.

So after a lot of thinking. I dont know if I was in love.  We had a lot of fun together, and we had a lot of fun otherwise, ya know. But thinking about it more, I don't know that I ever was fully myself around him. Because I am so guarded, it takes me a while, and I think I was just coming around to always being my true self in his presence. And he made comments in the past about how it didn't seem I was being true or that I seemed overly guarded. So maybe that had something to do with it, I'm not sure. Regardless, I don't think anyone should just stop talking to another as a way to end a relationship or whatever it is. So guys & girls, man up... if you're trying to stop seeing someone... don't just stop talking to them. Don't stop responding or communicating. Ball up and just be honest. I think that it's pretty commendable to be able to come forward and admit what you're feeling, even if it might hurt the others feelings. Because, speaking from experience, it's actually pretty damn hard to "ball up". But if it needs to be done, then do it. Otherwise, that person is left confused and doesn't everyone deserve a little closure?

On another note... today I'm spending my Sunday with myself. I'm cleaning my room and working on some bachelorette & bridal shower stuff for my dear friend who is getting married in 47 short days in Florida. Her bachelorette party is actually this weekend, so I'm finishing up some last minute details on swag bags & playlists, etc. Her bridal shower is memorial day weekend and I just finished a playlist for background music for that. I did pick up my bridesmaids dress on Friday and my sandals came in the mail on Saturday. I think I'm all set for traveling, the lady at Alfred Angelo said I should vacuum seal my dress in one of those bags from Bed, Bath, & Beyond and keep it in my purse. LOL I think she has heard one too many horror stories of dresses getting left behind in luggage or something. I don't know that I will be doing that, but I'm sure I'll be taking it in my carry on. Flight & Hotel are booked, luckily I'm staying with another bridesmaid to cut down costs. It seems now, all I need is to get together spending money and I'm good. Actually, I do need to book my reservation for the wedding snorkel trip, which should be cool! But otherwise, it seems everything else is coming together great.

I have decided to make a list of things that I would like to accomplish or do for the rest of 2013. I have friends that make lists like this, and I have also seen them on other blogs. It can be a list of big things and little things, even just going to a specific restaurant. So look for that in a future post, I hope to get that list together by mid May at the lastest. Yes, I have set myself a deadline for a list!!!

My interview on Friday went well, cross your fingers for me. I hope that I will hear from them. If nothing else, I'm proud of myself for interviewing as well as I did both times. I usually get so nervous I screw up something but I think I've gotten over my interview nerves for the most part.

This is tricky, I have a weight loss goal I want to accomplish by July 31, but I also have a bridemaids dress that fits perfectly that I have to wear on June 21. I will continue on my weight loss and just make sure to keep trying the dress on and if last minute alterations need to happen, then I will have to deal with that cost lol! So my next goal is to get to ONEDERLAND by July 1. For those of you who don't know what onederland is... it's a fat girls wonderland. It is getting under 200lbs. So my goal is to be at least 190 by July 1st. That would mean I need to lose 35lbs by July 31, which is 86 days from today. Originally I was going to set this goal by July 1st, but I'm trying to be realistic. And yes, I'm down 65lbs and it's definitely doable to lose 35 in two months. But I know myself and my body and I'm aiming for July 31. It would be awesome to get there faster and maybe I will. We shall see! Cheers to ONEDERLAND.

Happy Sunday everyone. Thoughts & Prayers going out to a good friend of mine who has lost her grandmother today. Sun is shining on your family today because she is thinking of you.

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Mayyyyyyyyyyyy

Ok so I'm going to do my best to write more. I'm sure I will be creating posts that will forever stay in bloggers "draft phase" which basically means there is no way in hell I'll let you read them. But the majority of them will be here. And to write more about everything. Not just weight loss and all that. I think it's theraputic for me to write.

It's May 2nd (Happy Birthday Dad) and it's almost been a year since everything changed for me. And I can't believe how much has happened in almost this one year... but maybe that is a post for later in the month (when it's actually been a year).

So.. here is what I've been up to!
I am in the process of interviewing for another job with a company in Baltimore city. I have my second interview tomorrow afternoon (Cross your fingers for me).
I'm moving out this summer, to move in with my friend who just purchased a condo! I'm super excited. I think we will have a blast, especially as two single twenty somethings! And I'm super excited for my friend, I know good things are happening for her and she deserves it, yes that was a shout out!
I am currently one confused girl. Dating a guy since beginning of January, started to fall in love ( with said guy and now he isn't talking to me. It hurts, but ya know what... AIN'T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT. Thats what I'm sticking with... for now. And thats all the details I'm writing about that. Because yeah, just because.

I am still shrinking in size, and I am super excited about it. But I need to kick things into gear. I know this, and now I just have to do it. My eating has gotten to a place where I am happy. I eat 1200-1500 calories a day, usually 1200-1300. I eat healthy 80-90% of the time nad when I do eat bad, I'm no longer feeling guilty about it or hating myself for it. Which I think is a great step.
I still beat myself up about a lot of things, emotionally I have a long ways to go but I know I'm getting better with everything, after all nothing is a quick fix.
I have started looking at blogs and facebook pages of girls my age who are doing what I'm doing and who have lost what I've lost.
Nobody tells you the following things when they suggest that you lose weight...
-Losing weight is quite expensive. After all, healthy foods tend to be more expensive, gym memberships can be pricey (so far I've been doing it without a gym.. but I plan to implement the gym this summer. Also, it's expensive because of clothes. UGH. You will laugh, but I was so cheap for a few weeks/months that I was wearing underwear that were too big for me, still am wearing pants that are too big for me, and yeah. I am not made of money, and whats the point in buying a whole new wardrobe at every new size. That will just put me into credit card debt hell. But I have made a significant step and have given about 3-4 trashbags of clothes away. Either to goodwill or to good friends. At a certain point, I realized it was not healthy for me to hold on to pants that are 3 sizes bigger than I'm wearing. Holding onto them I was thinking I would need them because I was going to gain it all back. But throwing them away, I don't have an option now. No gaining it back. :-)
-Losing weight is super confusing for your emotions, I'm assuming it is like this for men too, but I'm not sure. It's definitely a mind fuck for ladies. I've read other ladies posts/blogs and it seems its a mindfuck after about 50lbs... so I don't want to know what the hell kind of confusion it will cause when I get to 100lbs. FML. I say FML but it's a good FML... I think.
-Losing weight is not a quick fix for everything, at all.


So yeah.. thats my post for today.

Sorry for all the cursing in today's post, I'm a little upset still about a few things but I'm trying to be fucking positive!

Shocked.

So I stumbled upon some pictures from March & May of 2012, before any real weight loss started so I guess you could say I was at my heaviest. The heaviest I remember weighing in on a scale was 286lbs. I could have been heavier than that... I dunno. Right now I'm sitting at about 225lbs, down 61lbs (maybe more if I got higher than 286). These pictures are haunting me. I never saw myself as that heavy, I mean wow. Looking at them I realize how big I was but I didn't think I was big at the time!!! It's amazing how your brain can trick you. Like seriously trick you! I'm just shocked I think to see it because I didn't let myself be apart of many pictures at that point. I had dropped about 20-30lbs before I let anyone get a pic of me lol.

I know I have a ways to go, but I guess I am halfway there. I would like to lose another 50-60lbs. But I just needed to take this moment to go whoaaa. o cheers to me I guess, I've come this far. A little over halfway there. These pics are my motivation, for sure.

April, whoaaa

Time is flying by! It's already April, wow!!
Weight loss update: Over the holidays, I gained about 10lbs, then lost 20lbs, so really I'm just down 10lbs since my last update aka January. But I'm kicking things back into gear and eating clean again! I'm getting back to exercising but I've been having to take it easy so far this month. I'll explain why in a bit.

So lots has been happening since my last post, which was like 3 months ago basically. Oops, sorry!
I have made some decisions recently for my future which I'm excited about. I'm going to start taking some classes this fall to head towards being a Nurse or a Physicians Assistant. Still need to hammer out details and where I'll be going, etc. But I'm one step in the right direction! I also am hoping to move back out this summer. A friend of mine has bought a condo (Yeyy congrats!) and since it is a 2 bedroom 2 bath, she wants to rent to a roommate. So I'm excited for that. I love my family and all, but I think I'd prefer to be living out of the house.
So in mid march, I started having a terrible headache and stomach issues. Went to the doctor and he said it was a migraine and thats why I was having stomach trouble so he ordered me a CT of the brain. So that was scheduled, well then I started to get worse.. my throat started to swell and I was becoming really tired and had no energy. So I went back to the doctor and they did a strep test which was negative, then a blood test. Turned out I had Mono!!! Whaaaaaaat? Lol... well I took off work one day and then went back the next because I thought I was okay and better. Things went from ehh to worse in a matter of 12 hours. By the time I got home that day I started to get a fever upwards of 101-102 degrees. So I was taking a fever reducer. Well then my tonsils started to swell like crazy. I'm talking they were so big they were touching eachother. I didn't go back to work and slept through the weekend, barely eating or drinking. By Tuesady, I wasn't back at work but I knew I needed to go to the Doctor again. Went to urgent care and they sent me to the ER because they thought my tonsils needed to be drained, ew. So I'm in the ER and they're pumping fluids into me because I was so dehydrated. When they weighed me, I had lost 17lbs in 12 days. They put a pain killer into my IV and steroids. And then put me on a perscription of steroids. I was out of work the rest of the week, but the steroids helped a bunch! My tonsil swelling went down, making me able to actually drink water without dying lol! I missed a total of 7 days of work, ugh! But now I'm feeling much better, getting sleepy really easily but that's it. So March pretty much blew towards the end there! Doc said I need to avoid strenuous activity for a few weeks, and that I need to take it easy in general. So I haven't been able to jump start my exercising again quite yet. I've been walknig a little, but haven't run, though I'm sure I'd be okay if I did. Thanks to mono for jump starting my weight loss again though, I guess! Lol
I'm sure I have lots of other stuff I could touch on since I haven't posted since January, but most of it seems irrelevant at this point. I'm looking forward to April & May. Lots of fun stuff going on!

I'll post again soon, won't wait 3 months this time! <3

Big Plans*

Halfway through January of 2013! So far this month, I have been sick with a crazy virus, had a flat tire, had to purchase a new tire, and more. What a month so far! The rest of the month should be fun but hopefully I won't be sick anymore! I'm still getting over my "virus" (according to DR. it wasn't the flu) and it sucks! I'm sneezing like crazy today. But anyways, this weekend I have a bridal show for Pure Romance & I have a date. Next weekend I have Marybeth's birthday party, then lunch with the girls at Wine Market for Restaurant Week.
February should be fun as well! I have a few Pure Romance parties scheduled, Bridesmaid dress shopping for Kristina's wedding, and Deep Creek at the end of February with 11 other crazy people, I can't wait! I am also looking forward to some Valentines Day plans with my single ladies, I hope that works out, could be very fun!

I've been thinking about some of my goals, I have a tendency to get stuck thinking about how far I have to go and that can be overwhelming. I like this quote that says "Focus on how far you've come, not how far you have to go." That is so true! I need to kick my exercising back into gear and shred some more pounds! I also need to get my finances into check! I need to create a budget and stick to it as well as I can. I have a lot of things coming up that I need to have money for, so this fucking around with my money thing isn't going to fly. Student loans are still my number one priortiy, but I want to save a little bit too, and spend very little! I need to kick Pure Romance into gear and get more parties booked OR look at another part time job option. I was considering taking some classes this semester (like anatomy & physiology) so that I can get to grad school, but I haven't got my shit together fast enough, I don't think. Classes would start in a week or two and I don't have the finances together or anything yet... but maybe it's still an option.. not sure. Those are some classes I didn't have to take for my undergrad, but for the programs I'm looking at, I would need them.

I joined a website my friend Marybeth shared with me. It's a website to show your goals, etc. Take a look at my profile and feel free to share any big or small goal ideas. I have a list of stuff I'd like to do before 2015, and I'm supposed to list 101 things but I only have a few right now... I need a little help finishing the list :)
http://www.dayzeroproject.com/user/avgibson8

2013

"Be very careful about what you think, your thoughts run your life" - Proverbs 4:23

It's 2013, I sit here thinking about what to write about since it's been a week or two since my last post and I started reflecting on all of 2012. My life is completely different since then and I love it. This year was the one of the saddest years and one of the happiest years of my life so far. I was completely broken in the middle of 2012, and part of me still is a little bit, but I'm slowly piecing myself together and it is wonderful. I've started my weight loss journey and it's finally for me, and it will continue into 2013. I am single and sometimes it is so hard to be single, but it's how I need to be right now, no regrets.
There are so many things I want for myself in the future... but I have a few I'd like to accomplish in 2013. I wouldn't say they are resolutions, because I have never made any in the past because I honestly think they are dumb, and they are hardly completed. So my things I want, are really just dreams and I hope they come true :)

-I plan to complete my weight loss goals and get to my goal weight, and I will be getting a tattoo once that is complete... ideas to come.

-I want to be happy more often, just because.

-I will to go back to school.

-I wish to move back out on my own, possibly with roommates.

-I hope to say No less, and say Yes more.

-I will make 2013 the best year yet.

For so long growing up, church, my faith, and my religion took up a decent part of my life. I went to church and Sunday school on Sundays, did small group bible studies, and went to youth group on Wednesdays. At a certain point after high school, I dropped it all. There were a lot of reasons why this happened, and I'm not going to discuss them here. But I will say that I have started a daily devotional and have decided to make my way through the Bible again. I'm not saying everything is the same as it was, nor am I saying that I will be going back to Church. However, I am searching for something that I lost back then, and I hope that I can find it.

I've been browsing Pinterest again, and I've found some more quotes that I love so here are some of the new ones. 

"If your thighs don't jiggle, go see a doctor" -Miley Cyrus

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." -Mark Twain

"When you have to make a hard decision; Flip a Coin. Why? Because when the coin is in the air, you suddenly know what you're hoping for."

"Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are" -Kurt Cobain

"I am good, but not an angel. I do sin, but I am not the devil. I am just a small girl in a big world trying to find someone to love." -Marilyn Monroe