Midnight thoughts

I'm not sure why I am still up... since I've started my cleanly eating and workout regimen, I've been making sure to be in bed around 10pm every night if possible. But here I am, it's 11:45pm and I'm still awake. I am ready for bed but I have a lot running through my mind. A lot of which I will never share on here, no offense to my readers but it's too personal for my blog. It's funny with weight loss, because I don't know if it is just my own self destructive ways, but I find myself not believing that I'm losing weight. I see the numbers decreasing and sure I notice things fitting differently, etc. But there is this part of me that doubts it all. It's pretty ridiculous actually.

 But tonight I found myself realizing little things. Like how I can see my wrist bone clearly and I don't think I could before... it's more defined now. Or how my thighs look smaller and my knee bone is more defined. And then I realize that it has to be true. I just can't picture myself the way I looked 40lbs ago, and I dunno what the hell will be going through my mind when I'm 40 more lbs lighter. It's just weird, hard to accept as it goes along I guess. Don't misunderstand my words, I am so happy with the way things are going and the loss that is happening, it's just hard to process sometimes I guess. I'm not sure that any of this made sense, and maybe if there is anyone reading who has lost weight like this or who is losing weight... maybe you understand what I'm saying? LOL I'm just trying to keep up with all of it I guess!

So please excuse my late night rant if it made no sense to you! I'll be up at 5:35am doing a jog through the neighborhood with my pup, I'm sure he'll love me for waking him up super early! Tonight I'm listening to "She's so mean" by Matchbox Twenty AND "Collide" by Leona Lewis & Avicii. Check out the videos below! Goodnight!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-8WLa6umgdw

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E4a82LRNdlQ&feature=relmfu