Wow, it's been a while since I posted, a good 9 months! Time has been flying by this year, way too fast. Lots has changed since my last post. I've stopped focusing on my weight loss as much, I started a new job, dated here and there (no one serious at the moment), quit smoking, and other small things. Looking back at my last post, I have been drinking but am trying to pay attention to how much and not let things get out of control. And to make sure I don't feel the way I felt earlier this year. But anyways...I started to write this post late last week but I got too emotional while writing it and it took turn I didn't want it to. So let's try this again, I was thinking about my sister and other young girls and got to thinking about things I've learned since high school, through college and into my late 20's. And the biggest thing I've learned and would share with others is don't make your life about someone else. Until you are married with a family or until you have a family, never ever make your life about someone else. Live life for you, hell be selfish and don't be afraid to be uncomfortable. Because making your life about someone else and not focusing on yourself can really fuck things up, believe me. From an emotional, financial and even a physical standpoint, if you're not focusing on your own life and where you want to be one day, things can become so far from where you wanted them to be and your life becomes almost unrecognizable when you take a step back.
I spent so much of my 20's wrapped up in someone else's life, be it a boyfriend or friends, etc. And convinced myself that it was okay and how it was supposed to be. I lost friends, gained weight, screwed up my financial life. Didn't follow my own dreams or heart. I have more debt than I thought possible, took out more than necessary in student loans because it was suggested and just went with it. I have low paying jobs, because I didn't follow my heart or my dreams and get into a career that I wanted to be in (because it wasn't where I/we were living). I am an emotional disaster, getting better every day but because I stuck with something I knew wasn't right for so long, it's taking even longer to heal.
My true self, the girl from high school and my early 20's, the strong willed, intelligent, independent girl I used to know, I'm finally finding her underneath all this angst, dependence, self-doubt, and self-hate. I have always had a firm belief in "no regrets" and all, and I don't blame anyone but myself for my current position in life and my choices. And I still hold to that, because I'm meant to be where I am now, and I've lived the life I was supposed to. But I wonder what I would have heard from someone "It's okay to be selfish" or "It's okay to make the hard decision and let life be uncomfortable for a bit".What I'm doing now, making moves to better my situation and bounce back. I'm paying off as much of my debt as possible, still leaving myself a little side cash to enjoy my life. I'm working to pay for my life, and I'm also in school to better my life. I plan to go to nursing school and plan to work through the entire process, not taking more debt out. I'm figuring out what I like, who I like and living my life in my own way. Like I mentioned earlier, I haven't been working on my weight loss goals, I've been allowing myself to get distracted with other things. But I do intend on losing more weight, just need to make it happen (along with everything else).
